Asking the Parents Before a Same-Sex Proposal: Whether, When and How

No, you do not need permission from your girlfriend's parents to propose or to marry in British Columbia. The province says adults aged 19 or older can marry without parental consent, and only people aged 16 to 18 need written consent. Asking a girlfriend's parents before a proposal is a personal choice, and you can ask for a blessing instead of permission. A blessing means you share your plan and ask for their good wishes, while the decision stays with you and your partner. The best guide is what your girlfriend would want, so ask her in general terms long before you plan the proposal. If she would like her parents involved, speak to them in person or by video call, and keep the conversation short.

You can speak to both sets of parents, only your partner's, or neither, and the right choice depends on your two families. Speaking to both families on the same day means nobody hears the news second-hand and nobody feels ranked below the other. Asking only your partner's parents keeps the conversation smaller, and it shows respect for the people your partner grew up with. Choosing which parents to ask before a proposal gets harder when one family is supportive and the other is not, or when one family does not know about the relationship. In those cases, let your partner's wishes guide you about their family, and let your own wishes guide you about yours. Whatever you choose, ask each family to keep the secret until a set date.

The two of you should decide together who hears about the engagement first, and a good starting point is the people closest to each of you. You can tell both families on the same day, so nobody feels second, or tell the partner's family first, or tell your closest friends before any parent. Deciding who hears about an engagement first is easier if you list the people who matter most to each of you, then agree on an order before anyone knows. If you told a parent before the proposal, they already know, so call them first afterward to say it happened. For a partner who dislikes attention, wait a few days before posting online, so each important person hears the news directly.

Say that you love their child, that you plan to propose, and that their blessing would mean a lot to you both. Keep the request for a blessing short and plain, because a long speech makes everyone nervous, including you. A simple version is: "I love your son and I am going to ask him to marry me. It would mean a lot to us to have your blessing." Asking parents for their blessing works best in private, with no other guests around, and at a time when nobody is rushed. Tell them the date you plan to propose and ask them to keep it secret until then. If they react badly, thank them for listening, end the talk politely, and tell your partner later.

If your partner's parents do not know about your relationship, do not speak to them before the proposal. Coming out to family is your partner's own decision, about their own life, made on their own timing. Telling the parents of a partner who is not out to them can cause real harm, even if you mean well. Plan the proposal so it can stay private between the two of you, or be shared later on your partner's terms. If you want a parent figure involved, you could ask a sibling, a friend or a relative who already knows and supports you both. After the engagement, let your partner decide whether, when and how to tell their parents, and offer to be there for that conversation if they want you.

No, you do not need to ask a family that does not support your relationship, and you can leave them out of the proposal completely. In British Columbia, adults aged 19 or older can marry without parental consent, so the family's view has no legal weight. Asking an unsupportive family for permission can give them a chance to pressure your partner before the proposal. If your partner wants to keep some contact with a parent, they can tell that parent after the engagement, in a short message, with no question attached. Never ask someone who is against the relationship to keep a secret, because the risk to your partner is too high. If either of you wants support with family, PFLAG Canada offers peer support through local chapters.

Ask by video call, so the parents can see your face, and plan the call for a time that suits their time zone. A video call is the closest thing to sitting down together, and it lets the parents ask questions and react in their own way. Asking for a blessing from parents in another country also means thinking about language, so ask your partner's sibling or a family friend to help if you do not share a first language. Check whether the family's culture expects the request to go to a specific person, such as a grandparent or the eldest relative. Send a short written message afterward that repeats what you said, because some parents prefer to reply in writing. Ask them to keep the plan secret until the date you give.

Yes, a parent's ring or stone can be used in a new engagement ring, and a jeweller can reset the stone or remake the ring in a new design. A family stone in the ring can be a way for a parent to show support for the engagement. Using a parent's ring or stone usually starts with checking the condition of the stone and the metal, because old settings can have worn claws or a thin band. Some stones are tougher than others, and the Gemological Institute of America (GIA) notes that diamond is the hardest gemstone but not necessarily the toughest. At Vanhess, each custom ring is drawn on screen and priced from the drawing before any metal is cast, and it takes 5 to 8 weeks from the first meeting to collection. Bring the piece in so it can be looked at in person.