Engagement and Wedding Rings for Same-Sex Couples
Who proposes, whether both partners wear a ring, how two rings belong together, men's engagement rings, which hand, engraving and cost. Written for two women, two men, and every couple the usual guides forget. Made to order in Coquitlam, BC.
Engagement and Wedding Rings for Same-Sex Couples: The Complete Guide
What this guide covers
Two women, two men, a nonbinary partner, a trans partner, or any couple that the usual engagement guides do not picture: the questions about rings are the same, and the answers are plain. This guide collects them in one place. Who proposes. Whether both of you wear an engagement ring. How two rings belong together without matching. What a man's engagement ring looks like. Which hand. What to engrave. What two rings cost and how long they take. Every number on these pages carries a date and a link to where it came from.
- There is no rule about who proposes or who wears a ring. Couples use one ring, two rings, or two wedding bands and no engagement rings at all.
- In the one wide survey that exists (The Knot, 2017, United States, 821 respondents), 86% of women and 60% of men in LGBTQ couples exchanged engagement rings at the proposal.
- Two rings belong together when they share one element: metal colour, finish, edge or motif. They do not have to match.
- Same-sex marriage has been legal across Canada since the Civil Marriage Act received assent on 20 July 2005.
- Every ring at Vanhess is made to order in any finger size and width, in 5 to 8 weeks, and two rings can be ordered as two secrets.
The law and the numbers
The Civil Marriage Act, S.C. 2005, c. 33, defines marriage for civil purposes as "the lawful union of two persons to the exclusion of all others". Section 4 adds that a marriage "is not void or voidable by reason only that the spouses are of the same sex". The Act says nothing about engagements, proposals or rings, so every custom on these pages is a choice.
In the 2021 Census, Statistics Canada counted 95,435 same-gender couples where both partners were cisgender: 46,780 couples of two women and 48,655 couples of two men. A further 32,205 couples included a transgender or non-binary partner. Together that is 127,640 couples, 1.5% of all couples in Canada. 37% of same-gender couples were married, against 78% of different-gender couples, and in downtown Vancouver same-gender couples were 8.5% of all couples, the second highest share in the country after downtown Toronto at 8.6%.
British Columbia also has the third highest share of transgender and non-binary people in Canada, 0.44% of people aged 15 and over in the 2021 Census, and Vancouver is home to 53.1% of the province's non-binary people. The BC Human Rights Code, section 8, makes it unlawful to deny a service customarily available to the public because of sexual orientation, gender identity or expression. That has been the law a jeweller works under for years; none of it needs saying across a counter, and none of it is.
Who proposes
Whoever wants to. Couples use three patterns: one partner asks and the other answers; both partners ask, on different days, each with a ring; or the two decide together and treat the rings as a joint purchase. In the 2017 Knot study, 17% of female couples and 11% of male couples both proposed to one another, and 43% of women and 28% of men proposed on one knee. Who proposes in a same-sex relationship sets out each pattern, what it means for the ring and the secret, a timeline for one proposal and for two, and rings for a commitment without a wedding.
Do both partners get an engagement ring
Both can, one can, or neither. The three common routes are two engagement rings; one engagement ring now and two wedding bands later; or no engagement rings and two bands. The second engagement ring is often bought a few weeks after the first yes, chosen together. Do both partners get an engagement ring covers each route, how couples split the cost of two rings, how two different sizes and widths still read as a pair, and what to say at the first appointment.
Men's engagement rings
Men wear engagement rings. Most are bands of 4 to 6 mm in gold or platinum, polished, brushed or hammered, with or without a flush-set stone of 2 to 3 mm. Diamond is the hardest gemstone and sapphire the second hardest gem group, according to GIA, so both survive daily wear. Signet rings and two-tone bands with an inlay stripe are the other common choices. Men's engagement rings in Canada covers widths, metals that can be resized, which finger, cost, stones that survive a man's hands, and how to find a man's size for a surprise.
Rings for two women
Two women choosing engagement rings most often choose two different designs in the same metal colour, or the same design in two sizes. One ring can carry a centre stone while the other is a diamond band, or both can carry stones of different cuts. The pair reads as a set through the shared gold colour and finish. Widths can differ, and sizes almost always do. Engagement rings for two women sets out five pairings that work, shapes that sit well side by side, lab-grown and natural in one couple, and how two rings stack with bands later. For the wedding itself, wedding jewellery for two brides covers wedding bands, bridal jewellery, a bride in a suit, gifts between brides and jewellery for two moms. Our page on matching and coordinating sets explains the four ways to connect two rings, and ring sizing and proportions covers how width and finger size work together on each hand.
Gender-neutral and nonbinary rings
A ring has no gender. What people call a gender-neutral ring is usually a band of 3 to 5 mm with a low profile, a plain or brushed finish, and any stone set flush so the ring reads the same on any hand. The design questions are width, profile and finish, and the practical question is size. Vanhess makes every ring to order in any size and any width. Gender-neutral and nonbinary engagement rings covers width, profile, finish, stone settings, metal and size in detail.
Which hand and finger
In Canada the usual place is the left ring finger, a custom that goes back to the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, which told the groom to put the ring "upon the fowerth finger of the womans left hande". The wedding band joins the engagement ring on the same finger at the ceremony. Metro Vancouver's couples bring other customs: in several Eastern European countries, including Poland and Russia, and in the Eastern Orthodox Church, the wedding ring traditionally goes on the right hand (Wikipedia). Two partners do not need to use the same hand, and a couple from two traditions can keep both.
Engraving
The inside of a band holds a date, two sets of initials, coordinates, or a phrase of 20 to 30 characters in a plain font. A fingerprint can be engraved from a scan. Two rings can carry two halves of one sentence, the same date in two handwritings, or nothing at all. Engraving ideas for two grooms or two brides collects split phrases, handwriting, fingerprints, dates with a Canadian meaning and symbols, and engraving and personalisation covers what fits on each width and how it is done. Engraved pieces cannot be returned, so the words are confirmed with you in writing first.
What two rings cost and how long they take
The price of a ring follows metal weight first and stones second, so a wide men's band in platinum can cost more than a slim band with a small diamond. In the 2017 Knot study, women in LGBTQ couples spent an average of US$3,185 on an engagement ring and men US$2,226, in 2017 American dollars; those are old American averages and say nothing about what you should spend. At Vanhess each ring is quoted from the drawing before any metal is cast. A custom ring takes 5 to 8 weeks from consultation to collection, so two rings for one date are started together, two months ahead. Shipping is free in Canada on orders over $60, ready-made pieces have 30 day returns, and every piece has a 2 year warranty.
How it works at Vanhess
Book one appointment for two rings, or two appointments if the rings are a secret from each other. Say "two engagement rings", "I am proposing to my boyfriend" or "we want matching bands", and the conversation goes to metal, size and budget from there. We measure both hands in the shop, or take the size from a ring one of you owns. If a ring is a secret, tell us when you order and give only your own phone number and email. Every custom ring is drawn on screen before it is made, made to order in any size, and collected at our store in Coquitlam Centre or shipped within Canada.
Sources
- Civil Marriage Act, S.C. 2005, c. 33, sections 2 and 4, Government of Canada. Assented to 2005-07-20. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- Statistics Canada, Table 2: Number and distribution of couples according to their gender diversity status, Canada, 2021, 2022-07-13. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- Statistics Canada, The Daily, 2021 Census release on couples and families, same-gender couples section, 2022-07-13. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- Statistics Canada, The Daily, Canada is the first country to provide census data on transgender and non-binary people, 2022-04-27. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- Human Rights Code, RSBC 1996, c. 210, section 8, BC Laws. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- The 1549 Book of Common Prayer: Marriage, Society of Archbishop Justus. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- Wikipedia, Wedding ring, section on customs by country. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- GIA 4Cs, More than the Mohs Scale: Understanding Gem Durability, 2016-03-14. Accessed 2026-10-18.
- The Knot and Q.Digital LGBTQ Weddings Study 2017, press release, 2017-06-23, 821 US respondents. Accessed 2026-10-18.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do same-sex couples wear engagement rings?
Most do, and there is no rule. In The Knot's 2017 US study of 821 LGBTQ couples, 86% of women and 60% of men exchanged engagement rings at the proposal. Couples choose two engagement rings, one engagement ring and two wedding bands later, or two wedding bands with no engagement rings. All three are common among same-sex couples.
Who proposes in a same-sex relationship?
Whoever wants to. One partner asks, both partners ask on different days, or the two decide together without a surprise. In the 2017 Knot study, 17% of female couples and 11% of male couples both proposed to one another. No Canadian law or custom assigns the role, and the Civil Marriage Act of 2005 says nothing about proposals or rings.
Do both partners get an engagement ring in a lesbian relationship?
Usually both wear one, but it is a choice. 86% of women in LGBTQ couples in the 2017 Knot study exchanged rings at the proposal. The two rings do not need to match: a shared gold colour or finish makes two different designs read as a pair. The second ring is often bought a few weeks after the first yes, chosen together.
Do gay men wear engagement rings?
Many do. In the 2017 Knot study, 60% of men in LGBTQ couples exchanged engagement rings at the proposal, and 23% of those rings were custom designed. A man's engagement ring is usually a 4 to 6 mm band in gold or platinum, with or without a flush-set stone, worn on the left ring finger in Canada.
Should same-sex engagement rings match?
No. Two rings belong together when they share one element: the same metal colour, the same finish, the same edge detail or the same motif at two scales. One ring can carry a centre stone while the other is a plain band in the same gold. Identical rings are one option, and widths and sizes almost always differ between two hands.
Which hand do same-sex couples wear wedding rings on in Canada?
In Canada the usual place is the left ring finger, a custom that goes back to the 1549 Book of Common Prayer. The wedding band joins the engagement ring on the same finger at the ceremony. In Poland, Russia and the Eastern Orthodox Church the wedding ring traditionally goes on the right hand. Two partners do not need to use the same hand.
Is same-sex marriage legal in Canada?
Yes, across the whole country since 20 July 2005, when the Civil Marriage Act, S.C. 2005, c. 33, received royal assent. Section 2 defines marriage for civil purposes as the lawful union of two persons to the exclusion of all others, and section 4 says a marriage is not void by reason only that the spouses are of the same sex.
How many same-sex couples are there in Canada?
Statistics Canada counted 95,435 same-gender couples where both partners were cisgender in the 2021 Census: 46,780 couples of two women and 48,655 couples of two men. A further 32,205 couples included a transgender or non-binary partner. In downtown Vancouver, same-gender couples were 8.5% of all couples.
What is a gender-neutral engagement ring?
A gender-neutral engagement ring is usually a band of 3 to 5 mm with a low profile, a plain or brushed finish, and any stone set flush with the surface, so the ring reads the same on any hand. The design questions are width, profile and finish. The practical question is size; Vanhess makes every ring to order in any size and width.
Can two engagement rings be ordered as a surprise from each other?
Yes. Each partner books their own appointment and places their own order. Tell the jeweller the ring is a secret from your partner, and give only your own phone number and email. Couples who plan a double proposal usually agree out loud on one thing, such as the gold colour, so the two rings read as a pair afterwards.
What do two engagement rings cost?
The price follows metal weight first and stones second, so a wide platinum band can cost more than a slim band with a small diamond. In the 2017 Knot study, women in LGBTQ couples spent an average of US$3,185 and men US$2,226 on an engagement ring, in 2017 American dollars. At Vanhess each ring is quoted from the drawing before any metal is cast.
How long do two custom rings take?
A custom ring at Vanhess takes 5 to 8 weeks from consultation to collection, and two rings started together are ready together. For a double proposal, each ring runs its own 5 to 8 week timeline from the day it is ordered. Start at least two months before the date you have in mind, and allow a week for sizing checks.
What should we engrave on two rings?
The inside of a band holds a date, two sets of initials, coordinates, or a phrase of 20 to 30 characters in a plain font. Two rings can carry two halves of one sentence, the same date, or a fingerprint engraved from a scan. Engraving is confirmed in writing before it is done, because engraved pieces cannot be returned.