Do Both Partners Get an Engagement Ring? What Same-Sex Couples Do

The short answer

In a same-sex engagement, both partners can wear an engagement ring, one partner can, or neither. Nothing in Canadian law says who wears a ring. The Civil Marriage Act (2005) defines marriage as "the lawful union of two persons" and says nothing about rings at all. The choice is the couple's, and in practice couples pick all three options.

The one wide survey on the subject is from the United States. In The Knot's 2017 LGBTQ Weddings Study of 821 married or engaged LGBTQ respondents, 86% of women and 60% of men exchanged engagement rings at the proposal. One in four of those rings was custom designed (26% of women, 23% of men). Both partners proposed to each other in 17% of female couples and 11% of male couples. The survey is American and nine years old, so treat it as a picture of habits, and remember that the two of you set your own.

Three ways couples handle it

1. Two engagement rings

Each partner wears an engagement ring from the day of the proposal (or from the day of the second proposal). This is the most common choice among women in the 2017 survey. It costs two rings up front, and it means two sizes, two designs and two sets of decisions. It also means neither of you waits for the wedding to wear something.

2. One engagement ring, then two wedding bands

The partner who was proposed to wears the engagement ring. At the wedding you both receive a band. This mirrors the older different-sex custom and spreads the spending over the engagement. Some couples add a second engagement ring later, after the first yes, when the second partner decides they want one too. A jeweller can make that second ring to pair with the first.

3. No engagement rings, two wedding bands

Some couples skip engagement rings and put the whole budget into two bands they will wear every day for decades. This suits couples who propose without a ring, who propose to each other at the same time, or who want one strong pair of rings instead of four. The 40% of men in the 2017 survey who did not exchange rings at the proposal include many who chose this route.

If you both want an engagement ring

Matching or coordinating

Two rings do not have to be identical to belong together. The usual ways to connect them are a shared metal, a shared finish, a shared edge detail or a shared motif at two scales. One ring can carry a centre stone while the other is a plain band in the same gold. Our page on matching and coordinating sets walks through each method with examples.

Two sizes, two widths

Two hands are rarely the same size, and the rings do not need to be the same width. At Vanhess every ring is made to order in any finger size, so a size 5 and a size 12 of the same design are both normal orders. Width is a proportion decision: a 2 mm band on a wide hand can look lost, a 6 mm band on a slim hand can feel heavy. Our ring sizing and proportions page explains how to choose.

Two budgets

Couples split the cost of two rings in three ways: each buys the other's ring, each buys their own, or both pay into one pot and choose together. The second and third options remove the awkward moment where one ring costs more than the other. If one of you wants a stone and the other wants a plain band, agree early that the rings can cost different amounts and still be a pair.

Stones on a man's ring

A man's engagement ring can carry a stone. Bezel-set and flush-set stones sit inside the band's profile, so they do not catch on clothing or tools. Black diamonds, sapphires, a single small white diamond and plain signet faces are the choices we see most often on wider bands. Our men's bands page covers metals and widths; the same rules apply to a man's engagement ring.

If one of you proposes

The partner who proposes buys one ring and keeps one secret. The partner who says yes can then decide whether they want to wear an engagement ring too. Many do, and the second ring is often chosen together a few weeks later. There is no deadline. The second ring does not have to copy the first, and it does not have to be bought from the same place, though a jeweller who made the first ring can match its metal and finish exactly.

If you want to surprise your partner with a ring but you are not sure they want to wear one, ask a friend of theirs, or ask them in a general way about rings on other people. A ring that stays in a drawer is the one outcome to avoid.

If you both want to propose

A double proposal means two rings bought in secret by two people who share a home, a calendar and often a bank account. It works. Each of you can order a ring without the other knowing: tell the jeweller the ring is a secret from your partner, and give only your own phone number and email. Decide, as a couple, that you both want a surprise, then decide nothing else out loud. In the 2017 survey, 17% of female couples and 11% of male couples both proposed.

Wearing the ring before the wedding

In Canada the usual place is the left ring finger, a custom that goes back to the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, which told the groom to put the ring "upon the fowerth finger of the womans left hande". The wedding band joins the engagement ring on the same finger at the ceremony, usually underneath it. Customs differ elsewhere: in several Eastern European countries, including Poland and Russia, and in the Eastern Orthodox Church, the wedding ring traditionally goes on the right hand (Wikipedia). Either works for two partners, and the two of you do not have to match hands.

The numbers in Canada

In the 2021 Census, Statistics Canada counted 95,435 same-gender couples where both partners were cisgender, 1.1% of all couples. 37% of those couples were married, compared with 78% of different-gender couples. In downtown Vancouver, same-gender couples were 8.5% of all couples, the second highest share in the country after downtown Toronto (8.6%). Those are the couples this page is for, and many of them live within a 40 minute drive of our store at Coquitlam Centre.

What to say at the first appointment

You do not have to explain anything. Say "we are looking at two engagement rings" or "I am proposing to my boyfriend" or "my partner and I want bands", and the conversation goes to metal, size and budget from there. A good jeweller asks about the person who will wear the ring: their work, their hands, what they already wear. Bring a photo of a ring your partner has pointed at, a ring they own that fits, or a traced outline of a ring on paper. If one ring already exists, bring it, so the second can be matched to its exact gold colour and finish.

Three questions worth asking any jeweller before you pay a deposit: what sizes can you make, how long does a pair take, and can two rings be ordered as two secrets. The answers tell you whether the shop has done this before.

How two rings work at Vanhess

You can book one appointment for two rings, or two separate appointments if the rings are a secret from each other. We make every ring to order in any size and any width. A custom ring takes 5 to 8 weeks from consultation to collection, so two rings for one date need the same lead time, started together. Shipping is free in Canada on orders over $60, and ready-made pieces have 30 day returns. Personalised and engraved pieces cannot be returned, so we confirm the drawing with you before any metal is cast. Every piece carries a 2 year warranty.

Engagement rings that work as a pair or on their own

Every ring below is made to order in any finger size. Two of the same design in two widths, or two different designs in the same gold, both read as a set.

Single Bezel Diamond Ring - 0.10 ctsFrom $950 CADEngagement Ring - C6109XFrom $3,500 CADEngagement Ring - C6102XFrom $3,100 CADEngagement Ring - C6088XFrom $2,950 CADEngagement Ring- C6104XFrom $2,150 CADEngagement Ring - C6103XFrom $3,400 CADEngagement Ring - C6091XFrom $2,950 CADEngagement Ring - C6111XFrom $2,450 CAD

Sources

• Civil Marriage Act, S.C. 2005, c. 33, Government of Canada, Justice Laws Website. Assented to 2005-07-20. Accessed 2026-10-18.
• The Knot and Q.Digital LGBTQ Weddings Study 2017, press release, 2017-06-23, 821 US respondents. Accessed 2026-10-18.
• The 1549 Book of Common Prayer: Marriage, Society of Archbishop Justus. Accessed 2026-10-18.
• Wikipedia, Wedding ring, section on customs by country. Accessed 2026-10-18.
• Statistics Canada, The Daily, 2021 Census release on couples and families, same-gender couples section, and Table 2 (46,780 couples of two women, 48,655 couples of two men), 2022-07-13. Accessed 2026-10-18.

Frequently Asked Questions